#metoo – Where does it start and where does it end?

I might have a few enemies after this post or at least I know I have a few people disagreeing with me on this. But I like speaking my mind so I’ll just do it.

You’ve all heard about the #metoo-discussion that’s all over Social Media, online magazines but also in print already (one of the last editions of the german GRAZIA wrote an article about it, for example). And yes, I posted a photo in my Instastory as well. Because yes, I’ve been sexually harrassed by a guy.

I was 14 and on holidays in Croatia with two friends. It was a youth-holiday kinda thing, so we were never really alone but always watched over by people. One night we all went to a club and while me and my two friends were dancing, this guy creeped towards me from behind and grabed my ass – with both hands. I was 14 and VERY confused and overwhelmed by what just happened and I actually didn’t even turn around properly. My friend told the group leader and the guy was thrown out of the club. I never really saw this as sexual harrassement since back then I probably didn’t even know what sexual harrassment really was. But it happened. And today I know it wasn’t right.

me too
Photo via Victoria Siemer (@witchoria)
But also, I don’t know where sexual harrassement starts and where it ends. For me, it’s not that bad if someone walks up to me on the street and tries to talk to me. Or when someone whistles from across the street. I wouldn’t go as far as to say it’s a compliment but I also wouldn’t complain. It happens and I ignore it. Because, really, do you think those guys from across the street would ever come up to you and actually do something? Or do you think that the guys who ask for your name and tell you you’re pretty actually plan on doing anything else to you than just talking? (Clearly, if they do, kick them in the balls, but if they don’t…)

Call me naive, but I truly believe that some of those guys just mean nothing else by it. They might actually be very shy and because they were blown away by a girl’s beauty they just needed to say something. And it might be in a very awkward way and they might not understand the very first no but cut guys some slack. Because on the other hand, I know from a lot of people that they wish guys were more open and came up to them more often. Because the idea of meeting someone in real life is still a romantic notion in girls’ heads. But how will a guy ever come up to us again when they see, that literally EVERY girl out there posted #metoo-s on their social media platforms?
At least I think if it was the other way around and guys started posting things like that I would never EVER dare to go up to a guy anymore.

I’m not saying that the stories that are out there aren’t bad. The stories about rape. The stories about men feeling girls/women up for their own pleasure even though they’ve been told No (probably more that once). But I’ve heard a saying the other day: “Don’t spend more than 5 minutes being upset about something that won’t matter anymore in 5 years”. And in a way that’s what this should come down to: If a guy whistles at you from across the street or if a guy slides into your Instagram DMs with a creepy message, will you really care about it in 5 years? No? Okay, then let’s forget about it and just think to yourself that guys are dicks.

I hope you know that I still stand with all the women out there who went through horrific days and nights with guys that didn’t understand where the line was. Because I am a women too and I hope nothing like that will ever happen to me or my loved ones. Because it’s immature, awful and can change women in a very negative way. 

2 thoughts

  1. Do you really think there are many women out there saying “me too” because someone wolf-whistled them? I mean maybe, but I don’t think I know any woman who hasn’t had something much worse than that happen to them at some point in their lives. Maybe the wolf whistle is the easiest thing to talk about as it is less painful, but I don’t think many are traumatised by it. I don’t think however, that we should encourage the continuation of a culture where it is acceptable to shout rude things across the street at women. It is dehumanising for the woman and obviously an ineffective introduction strategy for the man. Sometimes that kind of behaviour can be very intimidating for young or vulnerable women too. If men do not know how to interact with women on a human level, then maybe they need to be taught!

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    1. Thanks for your comment, I definitely agree with you! And I think that a lot of men have to be educated that no means no, DEFINITELY. But i started writing this because I saw a few comments on instagram/twitter about people saying #metoo because they received messages on instagram that they felt were „offensive“ or being talked to on the street. I definitely know that most of the #metoo posts have a harrassment-reason but I‘m just saying that it became such a thing that you can‘t really differentiate anymore. Do you understand what I mean? I‘m not degrading anyone who has been harrassed and I know I have been in a way.

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